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***Notes from Trizzles: 

I wrote this blog a month ago, and in true baby brain mode…I forgot to post it. Then yesterday while reading Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth & eating waffle fries by the pool, I remembered. Since I wrote this blog, I have totally gone back and forth with the creative process. I convinced myself that I would be creative during pregnancy, lets be honest…i was practically forcing myself to be, but after a writing session a couple weeks ago that resulted in a horrible song in which nobody will ever hear, I came to the conclusion that creativity just isn’t in my cards right now…at least musically speaking. But thanks to an Instagram post about this, my fans helped me realize: While I may not be creating in the musical sense, I am creating a baby, in my belly, from scratch. And that may very well be one of the most creative things I will ever do in my entire life. I guess I was feeling guilty because I had just signed on with a new manager, as well as Kobalt music (which does everything from managing my publishing, to setting up co-writes with other artist, as well as places music in TV and film), I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. It’s like getting hired for a new job, and then taking a leave absence before you even accomplish anything. It felt wrong to me. But the one that that I have learned about myself, when it comes to all this music stuff, is that I am not a machine. Some people can churn out song after song after song, really good songs too, and I admire that a whole lot, but that is not me. And that is not my goal as a musician. My goal is just to write about whatever it is I am feeling, because writing always has and will be a necessary way for me to cope with my emotions and feelings. Luckily, everyone on my new team completely understood where I was coming from. I think they were just waiting for me to be honest with myself, so I could be honest with them. Sometimes we end up being the ones who put the most pressure on ourselves. Now that I have sorted all of that out, I have been a lot less stressed and more able to enjoy my pregnancy, quality time with husband and taking care of my myself. And i have actually picked up the guitar and singing more, because I want to, not because I think thats what I should be doing. If you are anything like me, and always put others first/care about what others think, and rarely remember to take care of you, IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!, according to you, no matter who or what anyone else says or thinks. xx TP

Alright…so its been a minute since I have been in blog mode. Is it weird to say,  I just haven’t been “craving” it? I am all about tuning into the cravings of life lately…From food, to friends, to music, to life, how I spend my time, it’s all about the craving and what will satisfy me most in the moment. Maybe thats just pregnancy talking? Yep, I’m knocked up! 4-½ months along, and truly loving every minute of it.

Tour ended in early December and I had a sneaky suspicion that I might be pregnant. But then again, every month i think i’m pregnant. My husband usually rolls his eyes at me, as I start getting lost in the ‘What ifs!?’. Right after we got home, we moved into a new house and in the midst of getting settled, I decided it would be great idea to have my parents and extended family over and cook for Christmas. One of my favorite parts about the holidays is catching up with family, and bonus: my cousin works at a winery, and her husband is going to school to be a sommelier. Needless to say, they always bring the best wine….but I couldn’t help thinking, “Maybe I’m pregnant!”

Low and behold the day after the christmas, the pregnancy tests arrived from Amazon and bam: 2 pink lines…another test…2 pink lines. HOLY SHIT. My husband had gone across the street to talk to our new neighbors, to which I texted him: Umm…you may want to come back over here, NOW!“

If you haven’t already picked up on it, we are go-go-going non-stop. We got married in August, honeymooned in early September, I was in the studio making a new EP in late September & was on the east coast by the end of October to start a 6 week tour.

We had come home looking forward to spending some much needed newlywed quality time, and then surprise! We’re having a baby. (Pregnancy has actually allowed us to slow down a lot more than we thought).

We had been joking just days before about how the only thing we hadn’t accomplished in 2014 was making a human.

The universe has a very funny sense of humor, doesn’t it?

I’ve always dreamed of being pregnant, but now actually being pregnant… it totally took a couple weeks for this all to sink in.

I would stand in the mirror and stare at my belly + body…knowing it would be about to embark on one of the most life changing, beautiful journeys of all time.

I started to think about my health, my body, my priorities.

My career: I just signed with a new manager and I wondered how this would affect the future. Would this new manager not want to work with me anymore? What will having a child change? Besides probably everything.

On the other hand, I felt extremely lucky that I decided to make a new EP, and to go on tour. If I had chosen to just wait till the new year, I think I’d be in a bit of a panic right now. Looking back I had many doubts about putting out a new EP without a label and proper promotion, and going on tour without management, trying to coordinate and book all the logistics myself. But I knew it was what I needed to do. I had a feeling, and this is the kind of thing that happens in my life. I have these intuitive notions that sometimes don’t make sense at the time, or seem impossible or difficult… but in the long run it all works out, I just have to trust. It’s almost as if the universe knew this little baby boy had already chosen us, and that the new album and tour needed to happen then and now.

It’s been this way my whole life. Taking a risk when it doesn’t make sense. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Listening to my intuition has never let me down, even when it leads to heartbreak, or betrayal or sadness… even then, it has a purpose.

Luckily, my new manager was psyched beyond belief that we were having a kid, he assured me that none of this would affect my career. "Look at Beyonce’s career after having a kid! It’s on fire! I have a feeling your next record will be the best one yet!” “Really?!” I asked. “Yes, enjoy your pregnancy, if you feel inspired to write, then write, if not, then don’t…you only be pregnant with your first child once.” I can’t tell you how much peace of mind that brought.

Someone recently left a comment on one of my Instagram posts that said. “Is this the end of your career? Touring with a kid isn’t easy or cheap…Sorry but even the mega pop stars struggle with it and they have millions thrown at them to tour and make records…”

I can tell you this much: I will never end my career because touring with a kid is HARD or EXPENSIVE. I have never let anything or anyone get in the way of a vision or dream. I don’t know how having a baby will affect my life or career for that matter, until the baby arrives. Just as I didn’t know how being married would affect my life, until I was married. I try to always do what makes me happy, and figure out the rest when the time comes.

Was I scared that I would have a writers block? Absolutely! Was I scared I wouldn’t know what or how to write, now that I was happy? Fuck yes I was. Am I scared that maybe I won’t pick up a guitar and write a single thing for a year because I am so in love with this little guy? Of course. And if that’s how it goes, that’s how it goes. Figure it out when the time comes, but in the meantime no sense in developing a whole bunch of unnecessary fears around something that is so beautiful & joyful.

Every time I realize I have a fear about something, shortly thereafter I hear this little voice in my head say: You’re scared… you know what that means… you gotta dive in.

I’m so used to it by now, and it never stops. There will always be things in your life that are scary, or challenging, or take hard work and dedication… and on the other side of those experiences are some of the most rewarding things that will ever happen to you. Fear never gets you anywhere. And, as my friend Tricia Huffman says: Fuck Your Fears!

I’d say to myself: I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be married. I deserve to be in a healthy relationship, sure it takes work and effort, but that makes me a better person and helps me continue to grow. I deserve to write happy songs, love songs! I deserve to love and be loved. I deserve to follow and honor my path despite what others think I should or shouldn’t be doing.

After all, you only end up with who or what you think you deserve.

I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life, but over the last couple months and with the encouragement of my husband, I’ve learned to really slow down and just do what I want. Really ask myself, “What will truly make you happy right now?” I always feel like I should be practicing my songs or spending more time writing new material, and my husband will ask, “What do you really want to do be doing?” And I will say, “Surf, I’d really rather go surfing with my dad right now…” and he will say, “then you should go surf!” It’s so simple, but it’s hard when you think you should be doing something else or because that’s what everyone probably thinks you do all day, or because that’s what it takes to stay good or whatever… F that. Life is short. Do what makes you happy, have your own process, dare to be different. Such a cliche, but it’s so true.

Mostly these days, I just stare deep into my husbands eyes and thank my lucky stars for this amazingly loving partner that came into my life, who I get to love so much, who lets me love him so much, who showed me what I deserved and so much more…and who’s so much better than I am at math and science combined, for when the kids need help with school. Lol.

So far pregnancy has been pretty great. In the first trimester I was super tired and actually napped, which I never do. But it would seriously feel like I had run a marathon, when in reality I had just gone up and down the stairs a couple times… I never got any morning sickness and was only ever nauseous once at an early morning cooking class. I did get super cranky and freak the fuck out on my husband a couple times (sorry honey, hormones…) And, I’ve definitely had some weird cravings: Bubbies pickles (http://www.bubbies.com), tuna sandwiches, artichokes, baked potatoes, tater tots, twice backed sweet potatoes (that was a very specific one), steel cut oatmeal, american cheese, cocoa puffs, root beer, shredded lettuce, crisp apples with almond butter and so far the only smells i cannot stand are Honey Nut Cheerios and grilled red onions! I’m a vegetarian and have continues that throughout this pregnancy, with the exception of grilled salmon, shrimp, and the occasional tuna fish sandwich (no albacore, pole & line, organic, sustainable, yada yada…so as to be mindful of my mercury intake) I haven’t missed/craved any meat at all, and my levels are as healthy as can be.

Now that I’m in my 2nd trimester (Seriously, where does the time go?) things are feeling pretty much back to normal. I have a little bump starting to show, when i eat it really comes out! For the most part, I literally have days where I forget I am pregnant. I’m still doing warm yoga, barre class and training with my trainer once a week. My boobs are huge, my pants are getting tighter and I feel like a little kid… To be honest, I have never felt more free, more myself, and as comfortable in my skin, as I do now.

I cannot wait to write more blogs, and share my journey of pregnancy with you. It reminds me a lot of when I was recording my first album, everything was fresh and new. The months, days and experiences that lay ahead were all firsts, and that’s what I am most excited about. To once again become the beginner.

Thanks so much for reading and sorry it took me so long to blog again! Hopefully it won’t be too long before the next post

Lots of love & light,

TPM